compliments: recent publications

Q: “Why Is Accepting Compliments So Difficult for My Child?”

Accepting compliments can feel unsettling for children and adults with ADHD. Hearing that someone thinks highly about what they have been doing flies in the face of all the negative feedback they’ve heard through the years. Your compliments are intended to convey your pride and enthusiasm about your son’s effort.

He dismisses them because of shame, low self-esteem, and his overactive inner critic. If we can address these issues, it will be easier for him to accept your praise. Let’s look at what’s going on and see what you can do differently.I have been working with children and teens with ADHD for nearly 30 years and there is one sad constant that I have seen: Every single person with ADHD has a deep-seated sense of shame about having ADHD and/or being different.

Whether this shame is obvious or buried, many youngsters with ADHD don’t feel good about how they manage school, life tasks, or social relationships. The negative comments they get about how they could do things better blend to make an internal narrative of negativity.Your son might think he can never measure up to his peers. His successes are fleeting and specious; he is waiting for the inevitable moment of criticism.

Like your son, many kids push away the compliments they need to hear. But don’t despair. Your compliments are droplets of rain in the desert — initially repelled but eventually absorbed.Children with ADHD need their parents or caregivers to nurture their self-esteem.

Your son is testing you: Will you take back your compliment if he screws up? Can he convince you that he’s not really doing a good job, he’s bad at school, and he’s not that smart? I hope not. Your job is to stay steady and validate him, regardless of his response. Your noticing when

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compliments: Readers Choice

Accepting compliments can feel unsettling for children and adults with ADHD. Hearing that someone thinks highly about what they have been doing flies in the face of all the negative feedback they’ve heard through the years. Your compliments are intended to convey your pride and enthusiasm about your son’s effort.
keep complimenting your partner.Sincere compliments not only flatter your partner, but they’ll also feel acknowledged. They’ll know that you see and appreciate them, leaving less room for negativity within the relationship. Giving compliments can also help negate any negative words your partner heard that day.Even if your partner knows how you feel, they still need to hear it sometimes.

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