The first time that I discovered laxatives, I was only 12 years old. Laxatives were all too accessible to me. I was coping with the aftermath of sexual trauma and battling undiagnosed obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
I found safety and comfort in keeping myself small, and I quickly began restricting food. When I felt like I had gone “too far” and ate more than I felt I needed to, I thought the answer to curing my guilt lay in taking laxatives.
By the time I was first diagnosed with an eating disorder at 13 years old, I was using laxatives regularly. I remember believing that the laxatives would help me to lose weight.
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