I have a well-worn neural pathway in my brain. My mind sprints down this pathway when it notices my body is acting weird. I quickly go from “hmm something seems off” to “I am in mortal peril right now.” This experience is much deeper than the often joked about Google search that begins with a hangnail and ends with a life-threatening disease.
This direct line has to do with my past trauma and experience with C-PTSD. I often feel triggered by the prospect of having to deal with the medical system, which is something I find difficult.
So when I notice an ailment, my mind zooms towards the fact that I might need medical care — and goes directly to I’m dying right this second.
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