negative: recent publications

Hyper-independence is something that I struggle with. From a young age, I witnessed women and elders in my family “do it all,” never taking into consideration asking for help. Sometimes they didn’t because they knew it wasn’t available, but mostly because they didn’t trust others to get what they needed done correctly. Add in my first hand experience with trauma and abuse, I became a one woman machine – never ever breaking or stopping, afraid that people would see that I’m not some super hero, and instead that I’m just human.

Insert the song, “Surface Pressure” from Disney’s “Encanto.”

Then I contracted COVID-19. 

Prior to catching Ms. Rona, I had run myself into the dirt, working three jobs, tending to every adult issue alone, and keeping house. I couldn’t continue to do that. If I did, I risked over-exerting myself which would heighten my chances at having long COVID-19. 

So, I pulled back and did something I rarely do – asked for help. 

I called friends daily asking them to grocery shop, pick things up, and more. I listened to medical advice and stayed put, which was hard the first couple of days. I battled severe anxiety as a budding workaholic (a whole separate issue that I’m genuinely not ready to battle), but then I grew used to staying put, and I (somehow) felt relaxed.

Well, as relaxed as someone could be while being COVID-19 positive.

I watched movies, and settled into a nesting period where I made my home and space pretty. I taught my dog a new trick, and read books. I called out of work with no guilt. I was mindful – somehow able to stay in the moment every second of my 10 day quarantine. Outside of the aggressive stressors of having a super viral disease that’s killed hundreds of thousands of people, I was

Can I (I)