I’m at a loss for what to do again. Once again, I find myself in eating disorder treatment feeling like staff don’t know how to treat the root cause of my problem – my relationship with my disabled body. Time after time, I hear “don’t focus on what your body looks like, but what it can do for you.”
But what happens next when I don’t like how my body functions either?
Society tells me to focus on what I can do vs. what I can’t do. But, this is invalidating because everything I can’t do is just as much a part of me as my arms and my legs. It’s hard to pretend those don’t exist when it’s very clear that those limbs do exist.
What I can’t do often feels like this big black cloud in me, always ready to rain on my parade.
I just spent the last three hours playing online cards and watching You Tube dance videos instead of working on a short story due this week. Months ago, I was driven to finish the tasks and deadlines I set for myself and now I’m lucky if I write at all. I used to follow a strict schedule that included yoga, meditation, cleaning, writing, eating, exercising, etc. and now I only do about half the tasks.
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