“The only thing that is ultimately real about your journey is the step that you are taking at this moment. That’s all there ever is.” ~Alan Watts
One thing that is promised to each one of us in life is death. No one will avoid dying or feeling the . From a young age I remember being aware of this fact, and it scared me.
As I got older, I began to feel a sense of pressure that I was running out of time and loss was imminent. The thought of losing my loved ones and the uncertainty of what may happen worried me. I wanted to avoid the feelings of loss and limitation, so I unconsciously began to move faster.
There was a deep fear that if things didn’t happen fast, they would not happen at all and that I wouldn’t have enough time.
Faster became better, and I started the hamster race of working hard to achieve my dreams. Whether that was finishing school, starting a career, being in a , starting a family, being fit… even my spiritual journey became a race to happiness that only existed in the future!
I realized later in life that this mindset was born out of fear—the fear of loss, the fear of the unknown—and protection from these fears was a quick accomplishment. It created an immense amount of stress and suffering because all goals and dreams take time to build.
I believed sooner was better, and if it wasn’t fast then it wasn’t happening at all. I began to find reasons for why it wasn’t happening—that I was not good enough, life was unfair and hard, and it was not possible for me. Each time I repeated these limiting beliefs, I took one step away from my dreams and developed more anxiety.
This led to a cycle of starting, quitting, and then searching for something different. I would garner the courage to start something new only
life
feelings
fears
presents
Dreams
